Every year I meet young adults who were diagnosed with language/ learning disorders (or who were never properly identified but clearly struggled their entire school careers). Many of them did what they thought they were supposed to do: they went to college. Their parents, desperate to give them a shot at success, took out loans or emptied savings to make it happen. And years later, the story is almost always the same.
They graduate with a degree that means very little in the real world. They move back home. They can’t get jobs that match their supposed “qualifications.” They feel lost, defeated, and ashamed. Meanwhile, their parents are drowning in debt, trying to make sense of how the system failed their child. Colleges took their money (sometimes hundreds of thousands of dollars) and offered nothing in return that translates into real skills or independence.
These young adults are not unintelligent. They are bright, creative, and capable. But they often don’t have the foundational language comprehension, problem-solving, reading, and writing skills needed to handle the demands of college. They also don’t have the ability to turn a vague degree into employment. And colleges are not built to notice that. As long as tuition checks clear, the system keeps moving, whether or not the student is actually learning or growing.
So what can families do differently? First, step back from the automatic idea that “college” equals “success.” For some, it does, but only when there’s a match between the program and the student’s actual strengths, support needs, and interests. Community colleges can be a good place to explore options, build confidence, and try out a few areas before committing to massive debt. Career and technical programs can also lead to steady, well-paying jobs and real-world skills that bring independence and purpose.
If your young adult is already enrolled in college, watch closely for red flags: repeated course withdrawals, low grades, need for an immense amount of support, low motivation, constant anxiety, or an inability to explain what they’re learning or why it matters. These are signs the fit is wrong. Don’t let the sunk cost trap pull you deeper in. Colleges will happily keep taking tuition even if your child is floundering.
Above all, define success differently. The goal isn’t just a diploma. It’s functional independence, self-worth, and employability. A well-chosen trade, certification, or structured transition program may do more to build a meaningful future than a four-year degree ever could.
Families deserve better information before committing to a system that too often promises opportunity but delivers debt and disappointment. Let’s start having honest conversations about what our kids really need to thrive, and stop letting college marketing define what success looks like for them.