We spend enormous amounts of time measuring school success. Grades. Test scores. GPA. Reading level. Math performance. College admission. All of those things matter. But life after school is not graded on a curve. Academic success does not automatically translate into success in adult life.
Adults have to work with other people. They have to understand what is meant, not just what is said. They have to listen, explain, negotiate, read tone and facial expression, recognize when a conversation is going badly, repair misunderstandings, advocate for themselves, collaborate, maintain friendships, and navigate intimate relationships. This is how people function in the real world.
Social competence and communication matter far beyond the classroom. Research consistently links stronger social-communication skills with better educational, vocational, friendship, and relationship outcomes, even when cognitive ability is taken into account (Lleras, 2008; Deming, 2017; Friedman et al., 2019; Clarke & Lord, 2024).
1. Good Grades Are Not Enough
One example comes from Christy Lleras’s 2008 longitudinal study. She followed students from tenth grade into young adulthood and found that the students with stronger social skills and better work habits went on to achieve more education and earn more money years later, even after cognitive ability was taken into account (Lleras, 2008).
The takeaway is simple: being smart and doing well in school matter, but they are not enough. A student can earn excellent grades and still struggle later if they cannot communicate effectively, work with other people, read social situations, repair misunderstandings, or navigate the interpersonal demands of adult life.
2. Social Skills Pay Off at Work
The workplace research is clear. Employers are not just paying for technical knowledge. They are also paying for people who can communicate, collaborate, listen, problem solve, and work effectively with other people.
Deming (2017) found that jobs requiring strong social interaction became much more common in the U.S. workforce, and that some of the strongest employment and wage growth occurred in jobs requiring both cognitive and social skills. Deming and Kahn (2018) found a similar pattern in professional job postings: employers valued both intellectual and social skills, and the combination was especially important.
A large review of employability research found that communication, teamwork, problem solving, adaptability, and willingness to learn were among the skills employers most consistently looked for (Tushar & Sooraksa, 2023). Listening matters too. A large meta-analysis found that better listening was associated with stronger workplace relationships and better job performance (Kluger et al., 2024).
There is even evidence that improving social skills can affect real-world outcomes. In a randomized study of entrepreneurs in Togo, social-skills training increased peer connections by about 50% and monthly profits by about 20%, likely because participants built stronger networks and had better access to advice (Dimitriadis & Koning, 2022).
The point is not that good social skills automatically lead to a promotion. They do not. But communication and interpersonal competence clearly matter in the workplace. They affect how people work with others, build relationships, solve problems, and use their knowledge effectively.
3. The Skills Behind Strong Relationships
Allen and colleagues followed 165 adolescents from age 13 into adulthood and found that the teenagers who were better at forming and maintaining close friendships were more satisfied with their romantic relationships years later, at ages 27 to 30. Interestingly, simply dating more as a teenager, or being considered more physically attractive, did not predict better adult relationships (Allen et al., 2020).
The point is simple. The skills needed to maintain friendships, communicate clearly, handle disagreement, respond to another person, and stay connected over time do not suddenly appear in adulthood. They develop gradually, and they matter later in life.
4. Pragmatics in the Real World
For children, pragmatic language affects everyday life in very concrete ways. It helps them make and keep friends, understand what other people really mean, join conversations, handle conflict, explain themselves clearly, read tone of voice and facial expressions, and figure out what to do when communication breaks down.
These abilities continue to matter as children get older. Friedman and colleagues found that stronger conversational language in adults with autism was associated with better friendship outcomes and greater vocational independence. Topic maintenance, specifically the ability to stay engaged in a reciprocal conversation, predicted friendship status five years later even after IQ and childhood language were taken into account (Friedman et al., 2019).
Clarke and Lord (2024) found a similar pattern. Better social competence during adolescence was associated with greater participation in work, more independent living, and reciprocal friendships in adulthood. In other words, the communication skills children are developing now can have real consequences years later.
Whitehouse and colleagues (2009) found something equally important. Some young adults with a history of pragmatic language difficulties did reasonably well academically and vocationally, yet still had significant difficulty developing close friendships and romantic relationships.
That is the part parents need to pay attention to. A child can be bright, earn good grades, and still struggle significantly if they have difficulty understanding and navigating the social demands of everyday communication. Academic success does not automatically make those difficulties disappear.
5. The Long-Term Impact
As children get older, the demands become more complex and much less structured. They are expected to manage conversations, friendships, conflicts, self-advocacy, school and workplace relationships, and eventually intimate relationships with far less adult support. Weak pragmatic skills can therefore become more noticeable, not less, over time.
The goal is not to teach children to memorize social scripts, force eye contact, or act a certain way just to look “normal.” The goal is to help them communicate more effectively in real situations: understand what other people mean, express themselves clearly, handle misunderstandings, advocate for themselves, and build and maintain relationships.
Of course, adult outcomes depend on many things, including language, literacy, cognition, mental health, family support, opportunity, accommodations, and the environments people live and work in. Pragmatic language is only one part of the picture. But when these skills are significantly weak, they deserve to be taken seriously.
Grades can open doors. They cannot manage a job interview, repair a conflict with a coworker, understand an unclear message, maintain a friendship, or work through a misunderstanding with a partner. Those are communication skills. Waiting until adulthood to realize how much they matter is far too late.
References
- Lleras, C. (2008). Do skills and behaviors in high school matter? The contribution of noncognitive factors in explaining differences in educational attainment and earnings. Social Science Research, 37(3), 888–902.
- Deming, D. J. (2017). The growing importance of social skills in the labor market. The Quarterly Journal of Economics, 132(4), 1593–1640.
- Deming, D. J., & Kahn, L. B. (2018). Skill requirements across firms and labor markets: Evidence from job postings for professionals. Journal of Labor Economics, 36(S1), S337–S369.
- Dimitriadis, S., & Koning, R. (2022). Social skills improve business performance: Evidence from a randomized control trial with entrepreneurs in Togo. Management Science, 68(12), 8635–8657.
- Kluger, A. N., et al. (2023). A meta-analytic systematic review and theory of the effects of perceived listening on work outcomes. Journal of Business and Psychology, 39, 295–344.
- Tushar, H., & Sooraksa, N. (2023). Global employability skills in the 21st century workplace: A semi-systematic literature review. Heliyon, 9(11), e21023.
- Allen, J. P., Narr, R. K., Kansky, J., & Szwedo, D. E. (2020). Adolescent peer relationship qualities as predictors of long-term romantic life satisfaction. Child Development, 91(1), 327–340.
- Friedman, L., Sterling, A., DaWalt, L. S., & Mailick, M. R. (2019). Conversational language is a predictor of vocational independence and friendships in adults with ASD. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 49(10), 4294–4305.
- Clarke, E. B., & Lord, C. (2024). Social competence as a predictor of adult outcomes in autism spectrum disorder. Development and Psychopathology, 36(3), 1442–1457.
- Whitehouse, A. J. O., Watt, H. J., Line, E. A., & Bishop, D. V. M. (2010). Adult psychosocial outcomes of children with specific language impairment, pragmatic language impairment and autism. International Journal of Language & Communication Disorders, 44(4), 511–528.